The 5th generation of wireless technology has not turned out to be the great panacea the wireless industry had hoped. In fact, it’s been a bit of a marketing disaster. Earlier this year, it was feared that 5G would cause commercial aircraft to fall out of the sky. And the technology had already been blamed for causing health issues such as cancer.
But now, it appears 5G is responsible for even more of society’s woes.
Dr. Tony Feisty, with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), said he suspects 5G infrastructure has been high-jacked by Bill Gates and China’s President Xi Jinping to somehow spread Covid.
“We’re not sure if the virus is spewed from the towers, or if it’s sprayed into people’s ears directly from 5G handsets,” said Feisty. “But the CDC is working night and day, generating tons of conflicting information about the issue. And I want to assure the American people that I will be on a full, talk-show circuit until we cure this disease.”
5G is also being blamed for the inexplicable and crazy behavior of so many people recently, as documented on many a YouTube video.
One person, who would only give her first name "Karen" was arrested by air marshals before a United Airlines flight took off from Denver. She allegedly was overcome by some kind of hysteria, and it seemed to be connected to 5G. “I don’t know what happened to me,” said Karen. “I was just trying to make a 5G call to my husband before the flight, and the next thing I knew, I was being dragged down the aisle of the aircraft by security guards.”
It's unclear if Karen’s phone may have caused her to go temporarily insane or whether there were 5G towers nearby, whose radio waves were inflicting her with “microwave syndrome.”
Perhaps it’s just a coincidence, but the venue for the Academy Awards last weekend had also recently been outfitted with 5G, and Will Smith had reportedly made a phone call right before he stormed the stage and slapped Chris Rock in the face.
To date, the most alarming concern related to 5G comes from scientists at the National Aeronautic and Space Administration (NASA) in the U.S. who say they have found links between 5G towers and aliens.
“Alien activity has increased in the last three years, and we don’t think it’s just a coincidence that it began right around the same time that the big wireless carriers began deploying their 5G networks,” said Dr. Imalien Strangelove, head of the unidentified flying object (UFO) division of NASA.
Strangelove said her unit at NASA receives calls and emails from citizens who want to report a UFO siting. According to Strangelove, the reports have been “off the charts” the past three years, shooting up 10x from prior years. Scientists in her unit created a map of all the sightings from 2019 through 2021 and realized that the sightings, in 80% of cases, correlated with 5G mmWave towers.
Finally, 5G is also known to cause T-Mobile to put out April Fool’s jokes on March 31 — a bizarre habit that kind of sucks. But of course, it’s probably not their fault. They spend a lot of time around 5G towers and small cells and may be controlled by aliens.
Happy April Fool’s Day
-Linda