While you wait: 10 things before Vodafone's Scottish 5G SA network is done

• Vodafone said a merged Vodafone and Three will upgrade to 5G SA by 2034

• Vodafone noted that it will deploy 4G in 89% of Scotland by 2027

• Here's what will happen in the meantime!

Vodafone said that a merged Vodafone-Three UK will upgrade its 4G network in Scotland to standalone 5G (5G SA) 10 years from now – in 2034!

Doubtlessly inspired by Jio’s speedy deployment of 5G SA between 2022 and 2023 (NOT!), Vodafone and Three are conversely going for a record-breakingly slow rollout over the green and rugged highlands of Scotland.

Even Vodafone’s rollout of 4G in Scotland is more of a leisurely trot than a gallop – it has committed to bring 4G to over 89% of Scotland’s geography by 2027. No Skye-daddling there! (And somewhere, someone in South Korea is laughing heartily into their over-priced single malt!)

Here’s what likely occur before the Scots get 5G SA from Vodafone and Three:

1. 5G will finally be monetized.
    
2. The United Kingdom will see five more governments rise and fall ... If Scotland is even part of the Union by then.
    
3. Everybody will be riding around on little wind-powered autonomous scooters.
    
4. Elon Musk will have made it to Mars. Sadly, no one else will have followed.
    
5. Taylor Swift will be president of the United States.
    
6. The Scottish Wildcat will have made a comeback in the highlands.
    
7. The bats that cooked up Covid will be awarded a surprise Nobel Prize for chemistry excellence with no thumbs!
    
8. Your grain will have matured into a nice little 10-year old dram of Scotch.
    
9. Commentators will still be saying that Open RAN is just around the corner.
    
10. Commercial 6G will have been in existence for three-odd years.

Read more of our Top 10s here.